From WILL - Focus -

Encore: Parenting a Transgender Child

Raising kids is already a challenge, so what do you do when your kids express that they are uncomfortable in their own skin?

Listen to the Program

(Duration: 51:29)

Micah, left, Asher, Daniel and Sara pose for a family photo while on summer vacation.

Micah, left, Asher, Daniel and Sara pose for a family photo while on summer vacation.

When Sara and Micah’s oldest daughter Naima showed resistance to wearing dresses and playing typical “girl” games, they thought she was a tomboy who someday could be a lesbian, until the day when Naima told Sara she shouldn’t keep correcting people when they confused Naima for a boy.
 
It’s been about a year now since Naima became Daniel, with full support from his school, friends and parents. But as he grows older, there are lots of unanswered questions. Daniel is 8, but what happens in a few years when he hits puberty? This hour on Focus, we'll listen back to when Host Jim Meadows talked with Sara and Micah about their son and about his transition from Naima to Daniel at school, at home and in the community.
 
Psychologist Marco Hidalgo, who works with transgender youth and gender non-conforming youth at the Ann and Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago also joined us. He talked about what options transgender children and parents have as kids grow older and will talk with us about some of the social obstacles transgender youth face.

Categories: Gender issues

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    00:00:00

    Sarah and Michael iRacing two kids in Champaign Urbana raising children
    raising children it’s always a particular 171
    what is there children is transgender porn biologically a girl to Farmington MN
    for me to live is a pole Sarah and Michael have supported the transmission

    00:00:30

    found accept school friends
    French transgender kids and family September events genetic
    jennette 7 month and a psychologist
    psychologist to work transgender you and your family

    a program to say after the news good
    good morning I’m Jim meadows in your listening to an encore broadcast of a previous focus

    00:01:05

    focus program for not taking calls this hour but will be back live on Monday
    live on Monday at 10 a.m. Wyll AM 580 today
    today is National Coming Out Day created to support lesbians gays b********
    b******** transgender people choose to live their lives open like today we’re looking at an entire
    looking at an entire family that come out as they put it come out as a family with a transgender child
    Sarah and Michael live in champaign-urbana have 2 children what form is transgender
    transgender the vastus not to use their last names but they do want to share their story

    00:01:40

    story of joining us also is Marco Hildalgo use a clinical psychologist in the gender
    the gender and sex development program a division of adolescent medicine at the end and Robert H
    Robert H lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago clinica de works at is
    what is the only one in Illinois that works with transgenders kids in the gender for me
    Marco welcome to focus thank you Jim and welcome to the program Sara and Michael
    thank you so much for having us Michael ansara tell me a little bit about your oldest child and
    oldest child Enya um Daniels incredible kid he

    00:02:15

    is very sensitive to the needs of others and nurturing as overall to his
    overall to his little brother into friends he’s a little bit on the side side to be call him an introvert
    introverts very athletic kinesthetic and any kind of sports
    kind of sports and an all of her well rounded 8 year olds in every way
    and every way he wasn’t always stand correct when he was born
    porn he was born we came up with the name 935 very proud of that name in religion
    Naaman really to Connor Eminem to him but I didn early age

    00:02:50

    when he could start figure out what you want to wear what you wanted to do you start a goat in towards
    towards boy clothes that you can pick out a good always choose a male swimsuit heat
    tutti you we we went round and round about this and want to just wear swim trunks
    monks of from early on he would try to pee standing up an
    and he was really interested in sharing his time with his voice
    boyfriend boys that were friends and wanted to do all the things that they were doing
    where do it wasn’t interested in hanging with the girls and

    00:03:25

    he’s definitely more balance now and shares a variety of friends but it is
    what is it for the long as we can remember when he started to have the choices clothing goes he was
    he was choosing a masculine clothing what is there a certain
    Sarah certain point we’re on the clothes you in this wasn’t just a quirk are a phase
    are a phase but really um um um of a major situation
    majors at UA sinister how your child felt yeah uh I mean there was that say that
    let’s say the time to really helps is a little bit over your go on really realized what

    00:04:00

    what to if we had to pull a blunt with silver for not going on he is Daniel
    I’m sorry you turn transgender Peter lead to put them in a box but he is just Daniel
    is about your goat weed really figured out that he want to be considered a boy
    little boy I’m over it was really in a large part 2 are friends on that really helped us
    really help us see what we’re doing with time pepper take your situation that had occurred is
    what is um we had once again encountered a situation where someone mistook
    1 mystic Daniel for inside your son your son and at the time

    00:04:35

    and at the time I Mike and I were correcting people and say nose is my daughter and we get funny looks
    funny looks all the time and so we went home after one of those situations I ask Daniel I say
    Daniel I said I don’t want you to ever feel awkward in these situations when people
    when people when Im correcting people what do you want me to do what you want me to correct people
    and say my daughter or do you want me to just say yes my son
    my son and he said I want you to say I’m a boy and that’s who I feel like I am
    feel like I am and so very clearly at that starred dining room table

    00:05:10

    dining room table we had a very a in-depth conversation about his feelings
    his feelings and he was so articulate in expressing his house always felt
    how is always felt this way how is always felt like a boy and he feels like he’s in the wrong
    feel like you’re in the wrong body and he wants to be called by boy names so
    dining room table that night we came up with Daniel which is
    is a little bit of it comes from Michaels grandfather and Michaels middle name
    middle name and so we wanted to keep some connections 2

    00:05:45

    into um important name and it was the name of middle name with Daniela
    Daniela so we took that shorten dead just fit right at the same time release
    why I’m really impressed at a very seems to have been very certain and just Ferry Rd
    just very articulate about about his feelings about who he is
    and that’s really Gatos realize what we’re doing with because the way he spoke about it
    he spoke about it we could tell he had been internalized this conversation for years
    but it isn’t something that we just had a conversation this night of a son he’s choosing today

    00:06:20

    today I want to be a boy today know the way he was talking the way he was responding to the
    Finding to the questions that she made a very Crispin something an ongoing for years
    is been processing in trying to deal with Virginia was ready to go full speed ahead
    the hat with telling everybody time is school telling his friends telling family
    family and letting them know that I know now and I want to be called a boy
    boy and so we went to the school the very next day with plan to talk to
    talk to the head of the school Kathy Weber um at Countryside and

    00:06:55

    and if we didn’t get a chance to talk to her but daniel is a ball of nerves
    nerves and he being shy cat daddy is he still was still something so strong
    strong and big in him that he went and spoke to her himself and his
    what is at the first opportunity he had he sit down with her and he said I feel like a boy
    I feel like a boy I want to be call Daniel and um we’re just so proud of you
    just so proud of him for being able to express himself so clearly
    so clearly a 2 in adults which is often very intimate meaning for him

    00:07:30

    for him I’m wondering what you were feeling and thinking affect the time um
    um no I understand you both a background in psychology and social work so you must haves
    steps to take if you have some stuff for military with working with family issues
    what is your own family issues so why how how was it for you
    if it weren’t here again she was so ready to come out once we figured out
    120 cigarette out what this was a movie when he was ready full steam ahead I know serenite WI
    Fahrenheit we were still like trying to catch up and can’t figure it all out of our heads

    00:08:05

    I get a Bena social work in cycles backgrounds we always view the more as that
    how he was a lesbian with younger always in o7 pictures of marrying a nice beautiful
    nice beautiful woman sushi when I stress and gun dancing girls
    gundamn for girls so we define as lesbian im as soon as it happened on iOS
    IOC the first chance I had to process whats the song was and how to clean with contract
    Direct was when I went back to school after dinner came out as principal
    and I sit down with her and she just says no Dana from the room

    00:08:40

    the room you said he’s a boy is going to call dentist for going to do and for me that was my moment of just
    adjust while it’s going to be a snot is right for process iPod into have the school
    when to have the skull behind this like that I was able to start crying in front of Kathy Weber and not really
    that was my first got to start processing of myself Kathy Weber is the head of the
    the head of the countryside school and speaking with friends who really
    really how to make the connect the dots hear about what could be going on with Daniel
    Daniel and that putting a name to the to this that maybe

    00:09:15

    that may be Daniels transgender and just having the outpouring of support for my friends
    guns and family it’s Ben its been overwhelmingly incredible and
    ball and we feel very fortunate because we know the road is not always easy for these kids
    kids I think the one piece to is that even as a backup restore
    restorable Austin to know what to do I was able to throw some college to work
    how to work able to find out about the up center and we were able to contact Kevin who is head of the Apes
    as head of center and without his support will never get through this as a family and

    00:09:50

    and just a feeling something a little bit more the up center of Champaign County Assessor
    is a is an organization which provide support for for gays lesbians trance
    lesbians transgender people of b******** exactly exactly offer support groups for
    support groups for families in just one on one um meeting stew
    things to talk about over and they were there a mediately um just as
    as a support group 2s and listening to us helping us navigate how to
    Gate how to proceed in how to communicate with our school to get Daniels needs Matt so that everyone

    00:10:25

    so that everyone felt comfortable and Daniel felt safe and is Kevin
    and is Kevin put it to I said it was not just Daniel coming out but it was our
    who was our family coming out and not really has resonated with us overall and width
    rauland with my kids parents who were at the school the day that we shared with
    that we shared with the teachers of what had been going on and how we were going to
    who talk to the students in his class about Daniel Island
    land of make the transition be known so it really was

    00:11:00

    it really wasn’t it was the morning process for us a good morning the loss of
    the loss of our daughter and all that we had a maginze for her life
    what life was going to be like for her what you do is a parents and so we had to
    so we had to recalibrate we had to think of things different think of all the different
    think of all the different possibilities but concerns of who’s going to love my child who is
    who is going to understanding be accepting of my child um are things I still strong
    things I still struggle with but I feel so much more confident now than I did in the beginning

    00:11:35

    beginning and have come we all have come a long way as a family in our understanding of
    um of this this is focus mg medicine for talking with my
    talking with Michael and Sara parents of a transgender child and with Marco Duncan clinic
    clinical psychologist with E and Robert H lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago works
    works of transgender youth you can call us with your comments and questions are phone number toll free
    number toll free is 1 800 222 9455 Harney mail addresses
    email addresses will dash talk at illinois.edu Michael

    00:12:10

    Marco’s algo im you for listening all this time im in some way sounds like
    sounds like a really really simple clear cut the decision
    decision making process I gathered doesn’t work that way with everybody
    FFA Louis right first of all I think from what I’ve heard
    what I’ve heard photos from Michael and Sara I just want to come and you both on the approach
    the approach that you can really affirming Daniel to be true to size
    to Daniels gender self I think that’s really important eyes of the other

    00:12:45

    some of the other things I heard it Daniela speak becoming an continuing to develop into
    who develop into a really well adjusted child as I feel safe and hooch
    and who he has a couple other things I think that are really unique
    unique and some ways eyes to your situation but also incredibly hot
    positive is the example of how you know your child
    child how your situation is just a lot easier to navigate when there are people
    when there are people from the school when there are people who are your friends for supportive

    00:13:20

    order of this process really confusing for parents and for kids
    I think the fact that you’re and Champaign Urbana
    app to spell some ass that I’ve ever been or rural communities
    communities arm progressively minded people there that are thinking about
    King about gender health of cats so I thank you thank you
    thank you I jump to get to your question I think you’re right there’s a whole lot of variation in terms of what
    terms of what we see I come to work on Mac im any of the family

    00:13:55

    many of the families are you having them questions just like us Sarah articulate
    Sarah articulated a few months ago I sometimes concerns sometimes feelings of grief
    feelings of grief but nonetheless are really trying to understand their child
    there’s always that sort of a bottom line a red thread out
    where in every family regardless of how much confusion there might be
    are we meeting family filter very clear that there’s so much love
    love between parent and child I have to work all is really to help them

    00:14:30

    relate to help them try to understand I was a child coming from and
    and I think also part of our jobs around Education because so much of what we know
    what we know about gender development
    and we live in a fairly odd binary kind of society
    the fighting when it comes to the gender options in categories that we have to choose from now saying that
    housing that children are expressing a degree fluidity in a very healthy
    adopted way but that I challenging for many folks

    00:15:05

    maybe you maybe we can not talk about some of the terms here because I think we already talked about
    already talked about the difference when you were talking about wondering if your child was going to grow up
    what’s going to grow up as as a lesbian which is a difference ink from a kid
    gender identity so how to talk about the saying well I’m happy to
    what to give sort of I think a very I’m brief but I think im portant kind of
    kind of terminology a background first of all I think that the idea of lesbian and gay
    lesbian gay bisexual does fall under the category of sexual orientation

    00:15:40

    sometimes referred to a sexual identity which is basically be the gender of
    Vijender to which you are most attracted to sexually or romantically
    romantically or intimately the three different gender identity force acts out of
    ulcer to talk about facts and then gender and two aspects of gender that that we
    that that we all have our gender identity under pressure
    the first person sex for first to their physical and out of me
    which is used to determine a baby’s gender at birth sometimes referred to as

    00:16:15

    Nadal gender Elon Musk aces the presence of a penis indicates a
    make a fake noodle gender of male and the presence of a vagina with Enrique tomato gender
    gender of female gender identity is different if the
    how to psychologically rooted Airport internal components of each other
    parkour sense of being either male female bows
    iPhone or something else the two aspects of gender identity to keep in mind that
    reminder that won its internal invisible to others and

    00:16:50

    and if there for determined by the individual another word for the term in Bible
    the term in by parents here’s the clothes if someone wears
    I got the toys 1 place 1 place with a lot of note
    note people typically have a pretty solid sensitive gender identity by about 86 Anamosa
    most cases of identity will match their birthday sign gender are there male gender
    gender I’m every SMAN about Andy’s exclamations
    Masons are not completely accurate estimate about 1500 cases

    00:17:25

    cases if identity does not match 1980 gender
    about gender identity that when we think about it and I mention that usually
    that usually 5886 people tend to know but I’ve we also
    we also see that gender identity can develop even after 86 times in adolescence
    adolescence to adulthood sewing into a gender expression
    expression which is either affect gender in Manchester essentially how we externalizare
    externalizare gender in order to communicate are gender people begin

    00:18:00

    begins at around h2 and that’s something that might I think you mention that you were noticing
    several years ago you begin to notice eyes Daniels gender
    gender expression that was notable expression can come before the firm
    for the firm idea of identity absolutely an expression at that age can help
    can help a child I mean it’s sort of a clue for many parents and I have a clue
    who that there may be some internal gender identity
    maybe different than an adult under eye what I want to say that’s not always the case

    00:18:35

    the case of gender nonconformity we can’t conflate gender expression with gender identity
    gender identity important because gender expression it’s not always indicative
    indicative of gender identity um mica
    Michael and Sara I was wondering from something you something you were talking about earlier and Justin
    and just of the fact that in some ways you you you missed the daughters
    the daughter to the dental Houston the Daniel used to be your sources a feather but you were
    what you were expecting Daniel Dennett Daniel Chevron station

    00:19:10

    the station listening to the broadcasters something you’ve talked over with yeah before you die doing
    forget I do I think Marco 240 said to both Fahrenheit and thank you for the work you doing up in Chicago Marcos
    Chicago Marco it really is helping families like us navigate to System much is urine sterile
    what you doing I’m glad to hear that um so yeah
    yeah im he has expressed Himself to us he he gets um what he’s been
    what he spend with been through what is been like for us um he’s been able to express a boat in writing
    recipe in writing and robitussin how much appreciated said they were very open communicative

    00:19:45

    communicative family so we probably be accused of talking to death with him
    should I stay with him and how was your day I see 915 different ways of
    um but when it came to seeing the name name
    the name Niamh up around his room and an artwork that was around the house in just
    just off in the beginning it was really hard for me I got very emotional over it
    over it and I would share with him how I was feeling that I’m so proud of him and I Thai
    what I want him to be exactly who he is because what realizes

    00:20:20

    relies most important is helping him build his confidence and he has
    he has to go threw up something that most kids don’t and life is full
    is full of challenges as it is in your address on top where you are
    on a daily basis Hwy he was questioning which bathroom cycle in which line should I fit in
    should I fit into having to answer those questions and confusion
    confusion and just died heart how difficult that must be for him
    him um but we sure did we talked about it he was able to talk about it

    00:20:55

    talk about that he was a little sad umm the likes his name nyeema and
    and that he was a little sad about it too but um
    I felt like all you know all the communicative
    communicating redoing is encouraging his self esteem and his expression and
    fashion and um and that that’s just are ultimately old is parents is
    princes to help him be confident 430 exciting lately is that
    is that from this is been a really help a transition for Daniel and one things

    00:21:30

    and one things we’ve been trying to come up with the middle name form of the fours name is my name is daniella sounds for
    yellow sauce for steamed Daniel and I asked him what do you think about keeping your first name is your middle name
    is your middle name you know how does it feel to using my email is your middle name and he was incomplete
    who was incomplete support of it and I really show me that we had done things correctly
    correctly is crackers we could have to support him to make him feel comfortable serious
    set sounds like you recognize some important and taking time to adjust to process this transition
    transition not just saying well that dont look back or anything like that but to remember

    00:22:05

    what to remember everything exactly yes it was a process and not just for us
    prosperous in a family members that have a processor to an even friends and it wasn’t about nothing
    about not supporting Denon who he was about that we all have to be to change our view
    change our view what things are going to look like in the future and a big concern is no special speaking from
    speaking for my father is that his toe concerns is the suicide rate depression
    depression homelessness of Rochester Pacific Beach transgender
    is gender kids and how difficult is going to be as it gets older and that’s a question mark

    00:22:40

    question maybe Marco you can feel a sin then this is what we’re talking about a child who seems to have
    seems to have a lot of support is he going to be better off when it comes to those sodas
    does soda statistical um of scary things happening out there
    happening out there as far as as far as later in life absolutely have what we know from
    no from some research that come out studying actually family acceptance related
    related to gender identity an expression is that typically associated with a lot more
    with a lot more protective factors including self esteem a positive self esteem

    00:23:15

    self esteem social support which is really important so many ways Andover Ohio
    an overall health and early adulthood and when there is an absence
    about support or there is a rejection or from other family members
    family members or piers in the school we really see a downward Kaskade
    cascade of a whole lot of psychosocial cities that out my command chance so depressing
    depressive symptoms of low life satisfaction salacion self harm
    self harm Homosassa as he mention I post traumatic stress

    00:23:50

    trav 50 and and and some cases suicide ality
    I’m wondering a barcode with other people that you work with
    what are the other families that come to you that I may be on more socially conservative
    conservative on the on the issue of a transgender that maybe our bar
    maybe might be hoping that you can change something you know we haven’t seen
    we haven’t seen a whole lot of families who were hoping to change anything RR or under the eye
    under the impression that we do corrective for repair in Arabic how we do it

    00:24:25

    how we do it count as a family is fat really don’t understand a man really have
    really have questions sometimes parents who are angry about
    the situation safe and placed and where they have to explain their child
    child’s gender expression to others I sometimes parents who are angry about
    angry about the fact that their child’s gender fluidity my change from jpay today
    daytoday and I really want to understand that and I want to echo something that Michael
    think that Michael you mention I think it’s really important and something I talk to parents about all the time

    00:25:00

    the time which is absolutely fine too I really need space
    need space to process a thing as happily find to have the feeling that you do
    do about what can be very challenging at first and important
    importance of that is to be able to talk about it with someone like me I can do so
    a privately and family session where the child is not present because apparel
    because apparently could benefit from being able to talk about this thing and I think parents have to know that
    how to know that the talk about those things as challenges in my face doesn’t make you a bad parent

    00:25:35

    parent doesn’t mean that you’re not accepting 11 child to a family make you high
    make you a lot stronger because there’s so many things are going to have to advocate
    child have regarding an and I think its N Out many parents
    how to find the voice 307 I have an email in from a from Kimberly
    from Kimberly thanks you for your courage and has a question for the both of us what is vine
    what is vice would you have for other parents and children to navigate through Society
    through societies insistence on gender role enforcement the question

    00:26:10

    big question I don’t know if there’s one easy answer and I know it
    if I look at my background and I’m coming from Holocaust survivors I’m coming from Silverado
    man from civil rights movement of participating is my father was in one thing I know it
    one thing I know is that if we dont speak up nothing’s going to change in that I know ur car
    I know were caught up right now Society of you know what a man is what a woman should dress how to
    how to act bottom of the sea not in our society were not happy
    overall society in something’s going on at the disconnect and

    00:26:45

    and my suggestion Merrick nations we need to stand up and support people bad do
    do want a pendant with those rose a little bit and come up against rolls
    MBTA route means we need to speak up means we can just sit back if someone’s been persecuted
    made fun of it back and let them handle in ther battle that we have an album
    we have an obligation as a society to speak up in support hose I don’t have a strong voice
    voice at really does come on over to sight in a community and i know were capable of doing it
    capable of doing it but we need to remember to do it and something that I got

    00:27:20

    easy thing to do but it starts with one person
    we’re going to take a short break and will be back in a moment for conversation with mic
    Michael and Sara about life with transgender son psychologist Marco Hidalgo
    Asus focus on wyll good morning I’m Jim meadows
    Jim Meadows this is focus in wyll you listening to an encore broadcast of APRI
    cast of a previous focus program why were not taking calls this or you can join
    can join a conversation on Facebook and Twitter at focus 580

    00:27:55

    we’re back on focus on wyll im Jim meadows in my guests are Michael and Sara
    Micah and Sara Champaign Urbana couple with two children what is transgender exercise
    exercising his friend preference delivers a boy also joining us a psychologist Marcos
    how much is DeMarco Hidalgo who works with transgender UC’s with the enemy Robert H lurie Children’s Hospital
    Children’s Hospital of Chicago Michael ansara what’s it like being Daniels mom and dad
    mom and dad sings with him that you know that that’s just daily kids stuff like any other
    absolutely free just had a parent teacher conference with his

    00:28:30

    incredibly wonderful 3rd grade teacher and uh she ever talk about that
    talking about the homework complaints in the the wining the hair that we see sometimes she laughed
    she laughed she just told us that is what she hears over and over again so yeah we’re doing with the
    dealing with the averi normal very on track 8 year olds
    8 year olds you’ve come across a good degree of acceptance and at school
    set at school I mean hCG the change happen but I can say home couple schools ban in the city
    is Ben and this is even coming from Kevin again for the ups Center in that he’s work for schools on more than me

    00:29:05

    what more than we have and his process coming for his thomas Howell understanding
    understanding accepting a Ben and again the process of how they sent letters out the family
    the family how to start for the principal comes to you and says this is how it is
    what is and were behind you you know it’s going to be okay because she know she doesn’t Scotia decision
    decisions and it has been a couple coming out to the class the families of office
    is off of his classmates have been very supportive wonderful he’s been invited to all boys birthday
    birthday parties immediately and we had nothing but positive from the schools

    00:29:40

    can I do want to say that we have had this public transit not always the case you have
    if you have a community that’s ready to accept un bolso is the same way with
    same way with the kids witch in some ways might be a reflection on the parents of the Dead
    that Angelos friends except a message Daniel so the day that are the teachers
    teachers maybe announcement date Sat everyone all the kids down at the carpet and its a 2nd 3rd
    the 2nd 3rd grade class combined and um basically it was said that I did
    udon new ball no no you my name is always shown an interesting boy sings

    00:30:15

    voice things sands of name of like to be called Daniel and wants to go by male pronoun
    male pronouns and the kids kind of looked around each other insurance
    southern traditional it said yes that make sense and there was very little discussion follow up
    follow up by any questions the kids had it was they were taken to the teachers and
    send within hours of the letter going home to the parents
    Mike and I receive numerous supportive encouraging emails
    fails and um it just continue to boost your confidence in

    00:30:50

    in knowing that we were going to be alright Foster had
    wonderful support from our spiritual community at Sinai temple
    we made a similar to his to his class there and
    we’re at again very well received and there’s
    there’s there’s been no uncomfortable situations of Fire and Ice
    and that’s racist race is the question of Emmett Marco you can talk a little bit more
    little bit more about this guy a sumo suit with with with fingers you were talking about

    00:31:25

    talking about their are transgender kids everywhere but the experiences of a maybe
    name a bee have a baby different um I don’t know if you’ve met any other
    any other transgender folks here in Champaign Urbana especially cats
    we have not know that that’s one thing that we are missing I’m speaking a little bit
    eating a little bit of Sarah’s parents to give a little bit of history that that it was a little bit more chance to her father
    father and he just wants to seek professional help someone that’s the way he was raised you want to get expert opinions
    pinions broadside a second he so we ASU’s reintroduces Daniel 2

    00:32:00

    Daniel to Grandpa completely behind him and soul for the president supportive so what we did
    so what we then had to start doing is looking at where can I find a transgender youth agency can I relate
    I relate to in and be friends with promise we couldn’t find any around here and I
    your and out with him to camp which against grandparents in a pain for the support us in sport Daniel
    Sport Daniel and I was on the East Coast so that’s quite a drive in shape to get somewhere
    somewhere but um I was really worth it this was a summer camp for transgender
    ginger for transgender boys girls both hands Ani UTEP both Daniels in a cabin with

    00:32:35

    what’s in a cabin with both male identify and kids and female identifying kids and 3
    find kids in 3 year old and he had a magical summer camp experience were here
    look around all the kids and feel like I belong and understand me
    me and you didn’t actually want to come home after that week but um campus close
    Campus closing so so he can’t wait for next year
    novena accepted in feel like you fit in the past have to be released
    really really special for for Daniel do you worry about Daniel having friends

    00:33:10

    friends as as as he gets older I definitely in concert right now in schools
    right now schools to 8th grade so that feels like there’s a little questionnaire when we have to really a concern but the transition
    but the transition high school is worth more the more than anything Ahmet store smart
    does mark immunity notas understanding and um people are only going to know him is dead
    is Daniel and you know when dating c*** in his all things parents and I we are always looking to that
    look into that we can’t focus on tomorrow the timer always thinking about what’s going to happen we get this point
    happened to get this point how can I prepare and start Hampton Inn at Scituate starting to think about purity

    00:33:45

    city of heavenly 8 but these things are happening tonight in sooner and thinking
    Handsworth thinking about hormone blockers and cross hormone therapy
    hormone therapy Zeno survey questions we have a about how to handle the situation
    Asian send what’s going to make dinner feel most comfortable is a big decisions we have to make
    have to make a coming up Marco maybe you can talk a little bit of
    little bit about decisions like that what’s with children in Beaver Dam
    ss far is how to say shins are made I don’t even know what Illinois law says about this

    00:34:20

    women don’t know what the recognition is a transgender conditions specially
    especially with minors well I think it’s important to recognize it
    950 transmission for a child to identify a transgender
    what is the time difference in their navel gender in boss 2 aspects of one side of a social club
    social component with his hands like in the case of my kind Farrah and Daniel
    Daniels that’s already started so the process of a child really a
    letting folks know how the child wants to identify a Child

    00:34:55

    child wants to be referred to as the family and the support system really hopefully
    really hopefully following through with that I’d the next pieces
    what you were mentioning me which are some of those issues at Duke
    jesus said to come up around puberty for kids that I continue my feet
    you might be gender nonconforming winder young kids and then continue to identify with a gender
    with a gender difference in tornado gender of the idea of approaching puberty and watch
    and watching their body change to be consistent with a needle gender that’s not true that they are in

    00:35:30

    ar 15 is really distressing as a sum of the xylem procedure
    procedures that we have our eyes certainly reversible partially reverse
    Marshall Lee reversible and then as a child gets older and becomes an adult to the left
    do the left reversible or that the more surgical types of intervention now
    now I think what kids who are around the age of puberty
    puberty typically do are lockers what era had mentioned witch
    which essentially the reversible process I wear a Child

    00:36:05

    who does identify as transgender or if gender
    gender questioning that is really trying to figure out what is my internal gender identity
    I believe they can go on the Fockers which serve the function of POS in Cuba
    causing puberty of a possum proceso de fat highly distressing
    distressing experience of your body changing before you’re ready for it to em is POS
    is POS and you can either continue to understand your gender or if you are
    if you are transgender and I know you could continue on those blocker

    00:36:40

    soccer till you’re about age 16 Naot legally we speak more in terms of some of the guys
    some of the guidelines around help legally the age of consent in Illinois the same as it is
    the same as it is in my state which is a pain to say that children cannot Us
    cannot Us at the certain a medical interventions with
    the consent of their parental guardians are legal guardian south
    out of the guideline fat from afar physicians follow the same guidelines
    guidelines for physicians follow the US and also international way around it

    00:37:15

    around ministration a form on Ice tickets usually blockers
    Byron age of 12 is usually the earliest a child
    talking to a blocker affect hormones the earliest a child
    Harmons is 816 so whatever the choices army
    Joyce’s are made marca what what what helpful Daniel needed to
    to progress through adolescence Minot just those decisions made decisions as a
    changes School in and meet up with more more people absolutely free trial

    00:37:50

    every child a friend and I would sail speak generally because I haven’t met Daniel
    Daniel only heard of a snippet really have everything everything that makes Daniel Daniel
    Daniel Daniel but some of the typical conversations I will have with I
    I’ve young people and children and adolescents are talking about
    talking about their worries for certain way you know what we’re revamp about getting older
    getting older and things around Cape Verdean body changes usually come out
    how do I negotiate you know who I am with my friend thats a big one

    00:38:25

    what ive got anything from how do I talk about my gender how do I talk about
    about explaining photos that they might see if me from when I was still present
    I was still present in my navel tender I think some of the conversations I have with
    I have with parents during that time is what I mention already which is talking about
    about gender development talking about their process of coming to terms with this major change
    major change Ievan also what I like to think of his coaching which is sort of you know that
    you know that was very thing nuts and bolts sort of a

    00:39:00

    parents need when it comes to answering questions at family members my ass
    members my ass what are highly personal or that are sometimes challenging to ants
    challenging to answer I’ll wait for them to applique on behalf of the child with a teacher that
    teacher that may not understand things are with a school that may i
    not not provide gender of for Maine accommodations for child
    child so the other aspects of this kind of transition
    Sarah and Michael you weren’t talking a little bit earlier

    00:39:35

    earlier about the acceptance of that your son head found at school
    but also of also them really how happy he was
    happy he wants to be able to go to that summer camp meet other transgender children in CA
    UCA bill to find the closest relationships with with kids who are not transgender
    transgender how is our are they able to accept him as they would any other kid or sit still
    is there still just something you just get something to turn on closed
    um I think he has very strong relationships what is peer group ear off

    00:40:10

    we start a question sleepovers and wondering how are other parent
    how are other parents going to feel about that aspects of them
    so we we do have questions but we we feel like it’s really important to just be
    into just be open with friends in which people that he wants to be friends with a talking about
    talking about the things are not trying to hide anything in there comforters at
    fat and how we can move forward he he feels comfortable talk
    comfortable talking about it seems you his confidence is grown the summer between cancer couple camp

    00:40:45

    couple can t wait to hear and wanted to camp TV show the counselor when it came time to change
    game time to change in swimsuits which we had not planned head for a hero
    he knew it was going to be out in open and it was going to be an uncomfortable situation in so he would
    Shannon so he went up to a counselor and said you know what a transgender person is in the counselor said yeah
    the counselor said yes he said well why a man says he was router see little let’s find
    let’s find you somewhere else to to change and his confidence grew from that he was
    rue from that he was so proud of himself for being able to express at end

    00:41:20

    sad and it take care of himself feel like all the ways
    all the ways as parents all things were doing to encourage him
    Tim to express himself and letting him know its okay
    located this is going to hopefully carry his confidence through as pure
    do as a pro chiz and things become harder and some ways
    ways in which a little bit I don’t want to be right there are people that question
    question are parenting know why you doing this is no case

    00:41:55

    and something against you gotta know our family you have to know who we are and are the talking dead have a 1000
    did have a teener Leon right before he came up to the classroom nice to tune
    he was a boner look very stressed you can tell he’s really nervous how to classmates regatta
    going to accept Eminem take a man did you know we can we can and all this nervous
    nervousness know if you have right now we don’t need to come out would you rather not come out
    what come out an engineer vs right now to me said no that I cant lie
    I can’t lie about who I am I’d rather be deal with the sinners and see how to connect

    00:42:30

    see how to accept me than live a lie rest of my life
    the 700 the time in this isn’t he doesn’t see these things against the shot you want to
    why you want to avoid stressful situations at all cost does not like it
    does not like it up in front of people and so when he says to me as his father I know him Hugo cinema
    you go to my eyes that’s on you to hear this is how big a twist Hammond
    West Ham and I hope you know people just disagree nor stand at the disco start to see that
    see that this is big in him this is in the human stressing out in holding him back and talking to the

    00:43:05

    talking to the time to Kathy in the teachers afterwards he has done 180 degree turn there in the sky
    is coming out smiling so much more in so much while going to school to come out
    come out naked just be something grease off shirt to cut through any anxiety
    we are on this is focus on wyll im Jim meadows in
    still time for your questions about transgender youth talking to parents of a transgender child
    transgender child Michael ansara and with psychologist Marcos Valle go phone numbers
    phone number is 1 800 22 29455 email addresses will talk

    00:43:40

    dash talk at Illinois a.edu I’m wondering is it Central Time
    talk about what you want to be when he grows up huh meaning
    expressions we had a long talk on a bike ride to school
    bike ride to school the other day and you just tell me all the things that you pictures for his life he pictures and ice house
    house with lots of yard in room to play on a trampoline E Cheese in Southaven kids season
    seasons of having a beautiful wife and himself in handsome
    farez job that uses for himself has not

    00:44:15

    has not gotten any interest in he’s not quite pinpoint in 1.5
    but you love someone and um and very active so
    active so you say he’s just a typical 8 year old boy this point
    this point in again because reception opening retox someone to talk everything through Wii
    we are my brother and his partner they have adopted two kids and so and there are
    there are family and so dangerous is a side of you can fly logically birthstone
    Owen adopting is no difference it’s all family and so I think

    00:44:50

    because he’s been brought up that way and Seamus part of arctan a family that he gets that is just something he can doing
    something he can do it doesn’t need to stress about that either Michael every member at the beginning of the program
    the program on uexpress to love again summary
    seem to be glad to hear that Sarah and Michael
    my camera to find some support in downstate Illinois ISAT should say that
    for have something that since Champaign Urbana parts from other parts of State Illinois is that it is
    is that it is a big university town and I think some of the cultural dimensions

    00:45:25

    the mansions of the community are little different from a lot of areas of a room
    map of Aurora Illinois um what do when is the kids the Houston family
    the youth and families that you work with where do they come from and what degrees off
    freeze off of you know what degrees of challenge in opposition do they deal with this far is peak
    far is being transgender overall there is a lack of resources
    how to provide gender firming support other in mental health care
    health care Oregon medical care for Children and Families FL

    00:46:00

    even in the city of Chicago we are I want to have se
    maybe two to three other i5 hear that support
    support juggernaut conforming individuals we happened to focus mainly on children
    children and adolescents kids from Chicago we also see them from
    from the Greater Metro area of from Northern Illinois
    Hawaii I northeastern northwestern Indiana
    but we’re starting to get more and more family is coming from throughout the Midwest

    00:46:35

    really the only center in the Midwest so high
    I think are one of our challenges is that we can’t seem to reach every
    how to reach everyone the way that we want to NFL part of what we really thinking about
    really thinking about is how do we then help other facilities what is AB Hospital
    hospitals are community centers around the Midwest to be able to provide
    provide a kind of support that we do I feel that we have more people out there
    can help families in need what are the things that strikes and I really wanna

    00:47:10

    what I really wanted to say I think why it’s important to go back to that common emitter lier
    earlier recognizing champaign-urbana is is that different summers
    friend and some respects and other parts of a Illinois and that it is a more
    it is more aggressive for half an hour Collegetown ephedra should be noted
    should be noticed that you know I think of Micah for example Michael your father was an excellent
    excellent model of support if father how ever ever really should be no
    really should be noted that father’s office have a hard time initially accepting the children gender variance

    00:47:45

    and I ask is because there may be fathers were listening
    eventually listen to that song line for home this experience firing were true
    Raymour true and I think that’s what we want to see and I say
    and I say that because overtime talking about what challenges am I talking about
    talking about this experience over all those many fathers come to accept anything
    map of from their children’s gender develop at MU for fathers coming from all over
    so I think it’s really important to keep that in mind and not even if your father

    00:48:20

    if your father was listening or you met a father who have had a nationally really hard time are parents
    timer parent micholi really hard time I got that does not determine
    the term and how they will develop as a parent over the course of a child fly
    I’m wondering um Sarah and Micah
    facility like the up center in Champaign County do they have a specific service
    Pacific service center services of ways of assistance it said that a family
    the family that includes a family in your situation with a transgender child could I draw

    00:48:55

    draw a minion the support in depth with a can provide they won’t find
    find resources to support that family and again look at some things that are
    things that are concerns is the cost of the lockers in a game work on social worker salary
    salaries urine and blood these are things that you navigate insurance fields in house
    Goldson how were going to get support without is is a concert come up for us what is your question yes up center
    ups center they are huge support and I hope that a family community credit
    use them and go to find them and they will support of famous smoke a home

    00:49:30

    home hormone blockers and Other Drugs therapies like that sounds like a big decision to make
    decision to make you feel that the day that you’re going to have enough time and resources to
    horses to figure everything out on bond on you and Daniel making those decisions
    I hope so we’re trying to do a research and to recharge the professional
    the professionals to have all the information for us um you feel like we have a little time
    like we have a little time but it is it is a little bit daunting so um
    um so we are trying to learn as much as possible and be prepared for when the time comes

    00:50:05

    that will make the right decisions I’m hoping since beyond hair with Marco that we can definitely
    definition shemales with Marco in your licence Resources up in Chicago absolutely
    and I haven’t already I think we want to make sure to add links to us to the up center
    to the up center and also to a city in Robert H lurie Children’s Hospital on to our web
    12 our website witches will DoD Illinois dot edu slash
    slash focus thanks to our guests for guiding us do this to complex topic Michael
    topic Michael ansara thanks for coming on the program best wishes to both of your boy

    00:50:40

    boys talk about younger kid and I think smart
    thanks Michael Haddad go for coming on the program piece clinical psychologists in the gender and sex
    end of sex development program a division of adolescent medicine and Robert H Lurie
    Children’s Hospital of Chicago welcome any additional thought you have about
    what you have about our show on our website at will.illinois.edu/focus
    focus today show was produced by Lindsey moon and with a big assess for my internet
    internet service Jason Croft is our technical director focus

    00:51:15

    focus on WILL